Just read an email a few days from a fren ( a young gal), who is planning to go on a mission trip end this year to Cambodia. Am very happy for her responding to God's call and I believe she will experience God fuller and her faith will be strengthened tremendously. I am so glad that she's on fire for God. I wish i am too, now. I guess, i can say that i used to desire God more, somehow the years have eroded that passion. So eroded that there was a point where i was practically running away from God's call, plans. Maybe that's what it means to be in the wilderness, the desert.....where there's so much moaning, self-centredness and worse, faithlessness.
I've had a relationship with God for years and have the privilege of experiencing him, his grace in my life. ALthough there hasn't been any life-changing event or "great miracles" (so to speak), yet in my daily living, i know that He is real, He is there. He has touched my heart so many times, it cannot be a figment of my imagination. Yet, despite knowing that He is loves me, i often want to run away from Him.
But thank God, through his grace, i'm slowly making progress re-establishing my relationship with him. But still, i wish i was more passionate about Him! i mean, this is the BEING who created all things and i am lukewarm about Him??? tsk tsk. Goodness, how can anything else have more of my attention? Yet that is truly so. The things that gives immediate gratification, the things that are tangible, the things that requires my attention now.........those things dilute my focus on God, on his Son and the Holy Spirit. I wish i can say i've found the answer, but yet i know that it will be a daily learning experience which He will give me grace to go through. I know God is patient, He is merciful and full of grace. He knocks on the door of one's heart, and all it takes is for faith to open that door.
Like i said many years ago, on my epitaph, i hope it is written : "He, whom she has not seen, she loved."